I think that is extremely "normal." I think we all do this, maybe hoping it will be a lie . I know I did that and still do. One day you maybe certain that you were abused and the next you find yourself doubting whether your experiences counts?
For me, the process of doubt to reaffirmation, or 'lie' over and over, is a natural part of the healing process. Or am I way way off from what your trying to say?

I hope not

Great ? btw

Crew