First I want to congratulate you on holding your ground about not having a baby right now. So often when couples get into hard times they think having a child will help it but it doesn't.
There is so much in what you have shared that could be bringing up hurts from her past, hurts that she is not facing directly... Hurts that she may not even connect to her current pain and anger. Would she even consider talking to a therapist herself or as a couple?
IMO this is not something you can fix... 1. It is hers to heal when she is ready. 2. In my experience you can't be lover/husband, bread winner, house keeper, target, therapist..... and succeed. Too many jobs for one person. You can love her, support her, help her find the professionals she needs.... But ultimately you need to be her husband NOT her therapist. You can still be a listening ear, a warm hug, the person she runs to for comfort and her knight in shining armor... just not her therapist. IMO