Manicmanda.
I find it completely impossible not to drink, even though i have my meds and i know i get an anticlimax from the wild nights than can sometimes (not always) lead to a very depressie episode. I still do it. I believe this is because of bipolar. Because i cant think of the consequences of my actions, i need to make myself feel good at that time.
I havent got to the stage yet where i can know whats good for me and right and follow that.