Our Oldest son married an anorexic, alcoholic young woman he thought he could help. She is a compulsive shopper, has remained anorexic, and now has multiple complications from that. He had broken up with her originally, and after much drama got back together, and she became pregnant. They married, and have since had three children, the oldest 12. She did not want to live away from her home. Her mother was an alcohlic, and is a hoarder, and compulsive shopper. Both she and her Mother have explosive episodes and almost daily mood swings with crying, screaming, abusive language, lots of blaming everyone. They are scarey. Her Father lives in a separate room in the basement. So at this point all of them are jammed into a filthy home. My son works fulltime and is also the only house cleaner, and cook. We have watched him go from an optimistic idealistic kind of young man, to a guy with his own drinking problem, and constant stressors of bills, and verbal abuse. I feel like he is being buried alive. Our grandchildren also seem to be picking up patterns of coping from the youngest creating distractions of temper tantrums, to the 8 year old over eating and continually playing video games, to the oldest acting tougher, and feeling depressed and frightened.

For quite a while, even though we took the kids two days a week, we downplayed their stories about their mom because it didn't seem right to jump in, and I think we hoped that things would get better. Also despite my son's work, and his wife's waitressing work, we've had to bail them out financially several times...mainly because she goes out and buys expensive things, which she then doesn't take care of... or she buys pets which she then leaves to the kids to maintain, and when they can't she finally gets rid of them, or they get killed. Finally when it seemed the oldest child felt she was the crazy one for "hating her mother" we did start to talk about what we were seeing. It seemed like she needed to know that the craziness was not her, or her fault. Help, Help, Help. They are so strapped for cash that she has stopped her psyche meds, her physical health from anorexia has led to spibal fractures, opiate use, and GI problems... Both my husband and I feel as if we are all sinking...Just expressing it helps a little... I hate to keep telling my friends, because I am ashamed that my son doesn't just leave, and try to set up a safe zone. Anyway.... any ideas.?