If the children are living in a filthy home, you can call child protective services. I'd offer my son a psychiatric evaluation and therapy if necessary, until he could start effectively taking care of himself and his children again. You and the grandchildren might also benefit from Al-Anon. The children's mother sounds like she has problems in addition to anorexia, although part of her behavior simply sounds learned from her own mother. You can model appropriate behavior for your grandchildren (you don't scream and holler, you don't spend wildly, you handle money responsibly, you don't get drunk or high, you eat a healthy, balanced diet and get enough exercise). Addiction and poor lifestyle choices in a family are a family problem; it isn't just your daughter-in-law who needs help. I hope you find your visits here supportive and informative. I will pray for your grandchildren and your son.