I know I'm depressed, no doubt, since I'm an untreatable depressive, but I'm not sure that's what causes this.

I can't make myself work. I work at home, and have the potential to make pretty good money. I keep putting off working until I am pressured by time and am paying bills late. Take this month. I should have PLENTY enough to pay next month's bills by now, but I will be late with rent and cable because I just cannot make myself work.

I get up every morning and say I'm going to kick some work out, I even set goals, but then I just sit here and do nothing but watch videos and play on forums.

I want to get caught up on my bills and get ahead, but I am so depressed about this, I am almost suicidal! This is the first time in a long time I haven't had a "real" job, and also the first time I've been completely on my own paying all my own bills with this new occupation.

I can't afford to go to a therapist, and the free clinics around here are pretty worthless. I am just scared that this self-destructiveness will put me out in the streets! I'm not young, and not well, so that would not be a good thing.