It is not really about being a fraud, it is more admitting we were weaker than we thought. And we DO have to realize that there are things that we didn't see coming.
And hind sight gives us plenty of time to think if over and see things we could have done.

I was attacked once as well, I didn't see it coming either. I had worked singing that night in a club and went out to my car by myself, ofcourse I should not have done that, like you maybe I wasn't thinking or just perhaps trying not to be too much of a wimp, I don't really know. But two men were outside and one of the men invited me to go to NY to party. I was nice and said I was tired and opened my car door to leave. Before I knew it he pushed me in my car and started mauling me. I had the stick shift in my back and like you I kind of froze because it happened so quickly.
I was very lucky because a guy friend that I knew happened to drive up. The man attacking me quickly got off me and his friend pulled up and they sped away.

There are things that happen in our lives that we never see coming and never expect to have happen to us. And unfortunately there are bad people in the world and when we are a victim it brings it close to a reality and it isn't just something that happens to someone else anymore, we realize it could happen to us too.

And there were a couple of other times that happened as well, even my agent mauled me and I don't remember how I got away from him.

It was one of the main reasons why I gave up singing, I just felt too vulnerable and I was a target. And it took me a long time to just be by myself and feel comfortable, I aways had one eye over my shoulder. And I still do to a certain extent, but I am not as upset and rattled as I was back then.

Just remember that no matter what happens in your life, you will always see it differently when you look back. But as I said, in looking back you have more time to think about it and what really occured. When something like this happens we don't always register the effect it really has on us. And that is what you are doning now.
That feeling of safety you had has been threatened and you were caught off guard.
Your not a fake for feeling the way you do, you have to take time to accept it and most of all learn from it. I can totally understand how terrifying it was for you, I was there too and there is nothing fake about it.

And I still think you should give another therapist a shot, you may find someone who really helps you and gives you more than your other therapist. But I think that it should be a woman as a woman will understand.

Open Eyes