I believe we learn 'consciously' and 'unconsciously'. In the book, "A General Theory of Love', they propose that the relationship between the client and the therapist is the single most important part of therapy.
What happens is that we slowly but surely attune ourselves to become like the therapist. Our limbic landscape (emotional) gets regulated and revised by association with anybody but with our therapists we are especially affected because we're working so hard with them. In other words, we become like them.
In the book it advises "the urgent necessity for a therapist to get his emotional house in order. His patients are coming to stay and they may have to live there for the rest of their lives."
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