Thank you so much for posting this, Tree. I've been thinking about this a lot this week.

When in doubt, I do what T would do, and it's been one of the key things that has changed my (external) life. I don't think it was even conscious 'copying' at first, I think I just started trying things because they were obviously working for her. Some examples...

T does *a lot*. I'd genuinely have guessed that with how hard she works, on evenings and weekends she sits quietly at home to recover- that's what I would do (have done). But T's life is filled with pleasant activities, and because of that, mine is too.

Recently, I've been physically ill. Historically, I really struggle with being ill. I stop doing anything (and thus become very depressed), and become very dependent on people to 'look after me'. Last time I was ill, I asked T what she did when she was ill. And I realize this time that I've internalized some of that example, and have reacted very differently indeed.

Small example, but yesterday I was having a really bad day. I'd been crying for hours and was still in bed at 4pm. T's text said she was going to Starbucks. Which enabled me to imagine how much better I would feel if I got up, got dressed, and went to Starbucks to study. And I did (different Starbucks, obviously!!)- that's the first direct copying incident I've noticed, but it could be because I've been more aware of it this week.

I don't want to turn myself into a carbon copy of T; some of her life choices (like how much she's away from her young child, or how hard she works) wouldn't fit me. I don't indiscriminately approve of all T's choices, which I think is a healthy sign. But having a healthy fulfilling life being played out right in front of me, and being able to reach out and ask what she would do in my situation- is a fantastic bonus I never anticipated. And even knowing that I don't want to do what T does is a start in figuring out what I do want, and a step towards getting it for myself.