I was 21 the first time somebody kissed me. I laughed, and felt humiliated. I was studying abroad, and for the first time, guys were looking at me. So, I had a boyfriend for 2 months. Came back to the US, and had two experiences pretty similar to yours with guys a friend set me up with.

Years later, I finally figured out that I'm a lesbian, but that didn't make the dating easier. After being "out" for 5 years, I finally started dating somebody at the age of 35. For about two months, we had this confusing, distant relationship. She just has this crazy busy life, and got some bad news, and it's not a good time for her to be in a relationship, so now we're supposed to be friends. That is as of yesterday.

I know that for me, it would be really helpful to know that I'm not alone in my loneliness and lack of experience, and I guess that's why I'm sharing this with you, though I don't know how comforting it really is.

People always seem to give the advise that worked for them. Have you noticed that? There are the opposite ends of the spectrum. "Just stop looking, it will happen when you least expect it." "It doesn't just happen, you have to make it happen." None of it makes me feel better, or sound easier. With this person, she was so busy, and I was unemployed. I felt like I was putting a lot of pressure on her to be available to me, when I have so much time on my hands, so I have been trying to do things for myself, and socialize outside of that. I joined more meetup groups, then missed the meetups, lol.

I think though that if there was any advice they gave me that I appreciated more than the rest, it was to get out and do things that make me happy. Just wish I had somebody special to be happy with...

you aren't alone