Praxis,

Yes, my babies are 13 months apart, my son just turned two, and my daughter will be one next month.

It is very frustrating right now. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I have been in this house for days, and I never ever get a break.

My number one fear is becoming my mother and I see it everyday. I hate that feeling.

They have calmed down now, but they are tearing into a pack of crackers and throwing them on the floor.....shoot, brb.

Okay. I got them, they were eating them.

I love them more then anything, yet I regret bringing them into this earth in the position I am in my life. I always wanted better for myself and my children. Instead they have what I had as a child. That's what makes me feel like a failure.

I wish I could just have a break, one full day to go have fun, be a kid again. Just one day is all I ask for.

I'm 20, I had my first baby at 18 the second at 19. I feel as though I'm losing a little bit of my youth. I really have lost it, and I will never get it back. That I can accept, but it's hard feeling 40, when I'm actually 20. I forgot what it is like being a kid.

I think I will get better, or worse, I'm not all that sure. All I've ever wanted since the first moment I found out I was pregnant with my first baby was to offer them a loving happy life. I did for awhile, but now I am cold.

Something happened to me, and I can't figure out what.

He just smiled at me, for taking a big bite of his cracker, and acting like cookie monster. I bet their confused by my constant emotional changes.

Well anyway, I am going to shut up now.

Thank you all for listening and not judging me.