welcome to pc, sweet.
your concerns are valid. i am sorry therapy and a pdoc are out of the question. it seems obvious you need professional help to help you. depression can not only distort our world but makes simple tasks almost impossible to do. i have severe depression but i'm on meds for it. it changed my life completely. not everyone needs meds but your description sounds like you may have deep depression too. it is too big of a task for you to move forward by yourself, imo.
hope you will keep posting. i'm sure others here may have alternative ways for you to deal with this. in my case i could not help myself all alone. i was diagnosed, saw a therapist regularly and my pdoc prescribed the meds to help me to function better.
this site may help you...http://www.ehow.com/how_4600876_deal...edication.html