I have more symptoms when I am on break from my T as well. It's like, when I know I will see him every week, I can manage pretty well between sessions--because every seven days I get a tune-up that reaffirms that I'm not crazy, what I'm experiencing is a natural response to trauma, etc.

But when I am on break, I don't get that affirmation and pretty soon I start to doubt myself and what I am going through. Right now, I still depend on the contact with my T to help me navigate through this confusing post-traumatic mess.

I totally get you not wanting to bother seeing a summer interim T--I know I wouldn't get comfortable with someone else in just a few months! But you CAN survive this, the summer is half over!

It helps me to write (and re-read) things my T has said to me. I hear his words in my head when I am alone and need help, things like "You're not alone; you did nothing wrong; you have a right to be scared, but you are safe nonetheless," etc. Maybe you've learned what you need the next time you are on break--maybe asking him to write something to you to help you get through the time would help? My T sometimes writes things down for me when I face something alone.

You are so not alone.

PS: I smile at strange times too--my T said it's not unusual for people to smile when they are afraid or upset. It feels incongruous, but it's quite typical. You're NORMAL! We all are.