My son reminded me of one today.

Back when my husband was alive we decided to buy a new bed from IKEA. Before we got it to the car we realised we could get a shop display model, King Size instead of double, for half the price. Not surprisingly we decided to return the bed we'd gone for, and get the shop model instead.

Woman at the returns counter was less than helpful, for boring reasons I won't go into. However, my response apparently was fairly unique. I started to rant about how the Swedes were trying to take over the world through the insiduous spread of flat packs. I claimed that IKEA infected people's minds with spores that turned them into materialists, and that I'd originally only come to get a yurt, so I could live in the wilderness and commune with nature. But that when I got to IKEA and discovered flat pack furnishings I was forcibly addicted to tat, and started buying bookcases, wardrobes, double decker beds, etc instead, thus having to abandon my yurt dream. "Have you ever tried putting up a double bed in a yurt?" I asked.

Somewhere around this point the woman called for security, and I was somewhat offended that these two burly men in uniform were laughing at me, and asking where the hidden camera was, since they thought I must be filming for some comedy show or other. Eventually they let us return the double bed, and leave with the King Size. One moment is etched on my memory, turning around and seeing my husband in his wheelchair, head hidden in his hands, shoulders shaking with laughter, and my son saying, "Mum, what's a yurt?"

There are others just as bad, but I'll not go into them. On one occasion I was arrested.