I can definitely relate to this. Before I got ill, I had lots of friends, was part of clubs in school, and had really good grades. From 16-19 though, I've had 9 hospitalizations. I lost most of my friends (simply because I couldn't keep in touch), dropped out of every extra-curricular, and did worse in school. I still have 2 credits to graduate, and I'm 19! I'll have to attend one of those adult schools.

So yes, sometimes I do dwell on the past and wonder what I might be like if I had never been mentally ill. But it has also helped me learn to get through tough things that I might have not been able to handle during the "carefree" part of my life. I feel stronger and more mature as a result. Plus, I am mentally stable now, in therapy and on the right meds...and I'm slowly starting to socialize again.

It sounds like you really miss socializing with others. Is it possible for you to contact some old friends, even just one, to do something small like go out for lunch? Just remember to take things slowly so you won't get overwhelmed. It might also be beneficial to try socializing in situations other than partying or drinking. Maybe joining a class at a gym, or volunteering? Just a couple of ideas.