Thanks again for the replies...self-harm can be many different things for many different people... self-inflicted injury is usually thought to be in the sense of more literal self-harm... but physically exerting oneself whether it be in exercise or something else that is pushed to an unhealthy limit could be considered self-harm I suppose...

Things have gotten a little bit better with communication with parents but everyone is just stressed because I don't have an exact plan about what to do... and thus, I'm feeling overwhelmed and have begun shutting myself out away from friends and family at home right now..I'm struggling to get up and do anything for myself everyday other than go to the gym (which I hate but feel like I need to do)..go to IOP and just hang out at the house... I'm miserable.. again...back to square 1.
My wilderness program was beneficial..yes, beyond the legal fulfillment. I learned certain coping skills and new perspectives but it is really hard to implement them on everything right now because there's so much going on... the hardest thing is my fear and anxiety/stress about going back to school where I need to find a job and a place to live asap...and then the girl that I am sort of "with" who doesn't want to be exclusive...I feel like I'm holding onto the last string to be with her but that it is all going to fall apart and she is going to push me away... It makes me sick to my stomach and therefore, that much more anxious about going back to school because I can't possibly feel any worse than I do now.. ughh it's just hard...right now, at least my parents are around and trying to be as supportive as possible but they do work full weeks and so for instance (tomorrow) they won't be around for most of the day...so I sit with myself, stressing out, go to the gym, clean to distract myself and then go to my IOP program... and yet, I'm supposed to decide when I'm going back to school to live etc. which I think will be in a week and I'm unbelievably anxious and unsure about any and everything... I just am back to feeling like I am better off not existing in this world that I continuously feel is a brick wall for me to run into over and over again... I'm sick of feeling miserable and I've tried so many things for so many years... I don't feel like I want to try anymore, I don't feel like I can do it anymore.

ughh sorry for everything being so scattered...I feel like I'm journaling- only it's on a message board. thanks to anyone who has the patience or desire to read through any of it.