Yesterday I spent the whole day crying, even while I was out at the supermarket I couldn't keep the tears a bay, so embarrassing. Luckily I got to leave quickly and walk home. I had the hardest time getting to sleep. I got to sleep around 5 am and woke at 8. Immediately upon waking the voices returned, back to their usual , you don't want to be here over and over again, mixed in with some you want to leave, and you are horrible, ect ect.

Today not much better, had an outting with my boyfriend and kids, was going ok, till I just flipped on my boyfriend in the car, completely screaming hostile, crying, just totally flaking out. He brought me home and finally calmed me down. This is not typical normal me behavior. However when I am manic or depressed I loose my ability to be rational. I was saying things that didn't make sense and he could not follow along. Worse my kids were witness Once I could try and make sense of what was happening I felt even more guilty, what a horrible person I am , what a bad way to behave in front of my kids. What an awful way to treat me boyfriend, I felt like a monster. And inside I felt just scared, scared one day I will just be a hollow body trapped in an illness.

Does anyone else get like this while depressed? I don't know anyone in real life to ask.