it sounds like you are really depressed and this depression needs to be addressed. do you have a T, a place to go talk where you arent going to feel judged? you may even need to consider medication at this point as you are selfmedicating with alcohol, which isnt the best choice as you need to stay on the top of your game to care for your son. lighten up on yourself. you dont have to be the best, just do the best that you can do. right now it seems you are basing your worth on the judgement of others. there really is no way to know what others are thinking about you. its funny, there was this mom that babysat my kids long ago. i so looked up to her. she seemed to have it all. she is friends with my son on facebook. turns out, she looked up to me. she thinks im the greatest.

it sounds to me that you do a wonderful job taking care of your son's needs. you are just overwhelmed now because of your depression. but look at these things that you do, that you are successful at each take, and get your value from that, not what others think of you. make a list of the good things you do and say, this is me, and i do a darn good job at..... i am valuable and unique. find it within, not without. or you will always be searching for validation elsewhere.