Hi everyone:

I'll try to keep this concise and I thank everyone in advance for their thoughts.

I am a woman in my early 40s, three months shy of celebrating my 20th wedding anniversary. I am considering filing for separation/divorce from my husband. I learned I was bipolar about 9 years ago.

Seven years prior to my diagnosis, I experienced a severe, year-long manic episode where I had an affair with a co-worker. This almost ended my marriage and despite seeing a couple of different therapists -- both alone & with my husband -- no one picked up on the mania and referred me to a psychiatrist. During a difficult period of cycling moods, again, about 9 years ago, I found a psychiatrist on my own and it didn't take him long to diagnose me as bipolar.

Two years ago, my husband and I had another difficult period and separated for about six weeks. Prior to our separation, for a few months, I drank way too much...at least a bottle of wine every evening, so my husband was coming home & finding me blitzed. No, not good on my part, I know. However, since then, I'm very aware of my alcohol intake & take great care not to go overboard.

So, based on this history that is informing my married life, I ask...WOULD YOU CALL MY HUSBAND "CONTROLLING"?

Here are the things I see as controlling and I definitely need some input as to whether I'm on the right track...

1. He polices my Facebook account and questions me about what I write..."Do you know that's a public post?" etc. (Yes, I know, I'm not stupid.) He's done this in the past when I maintained public blogs, all of which I took down for this reason. He is a software engineer by trade...and ironically, I have done freelance writing in the past. I would love to have an outlet for my writing, but I can't take his questioning.

2. Questions me on my Diet Coke consumption and subsequent caffeine intake. However, he will not question me on my coffee intake. To him, Diet Coke is "bad," so that's what he questions me about. I drink at the most two, 20-ounce caffeinated Diet Cokes a day and take pains to not drink caffeine after 5pm at the latest.

(On Saturday, I bought a 12-pack of the Diet Ginger Ale he likes, and it was gone by Sunday night.)

3. On the very rare nights when I say up until midnight-1am, he will come find me in the house and ask me when I am coming to bed. It's not, "Honey? Are you OK? Are you coming to bed?" It's "Are you coming to bed anytime soon?" with hands on hips. He never asked me about staying up when I had rampant insomnia for decades before being diagnosed as bipolar. Now, I take 50mg of Seroquel every night for sleep and consistently get 8 hours of sleep...finally.

4. He is currently OK if I drink...if it's in front of him. He was out the other evening & I just wanted some peace & quiet & a glass of wine...well, he came home, found me drinking alone & went ballistic. Yelling, throwing his keys, scaring the dogs, threatening to leave me, etc. On one hand, I get this given our history, but on the other hand, I don't want to be looking over my shoulder.

5. There have been people I have had to cut out of my life because my husband suspects (with no foundation whatsoever) that I'm having affairs. It's gotten to the point where it's easier for me to drop people to head off problems at home. I have not looked at another person cross-eyed since having my affair. My husband, on the other hand, went to a strip club a few years ago and he confessed that a lap dance ended up as oral sex by the stripper-who-was-really-a-prostitute. I was given antibiotics in case he picked up anything during the encounter.

6. He will ask me what I bought at Walmart, why I take out $100 a month at the ATM and what I used that cash for. We own two houses, are already well-planned for retirement...basically, very comfortable. I feel like I should be able to have $100 in cash in my wallet for a month to pay for parking, buy magazines, and other things and not have to put everything on a credit card.

I keep coming back to..."I want to live an unfettered life." I never lived on my own before getting married (something I have regretted for a very long time) and I keep coming back to having my own house, developing the life I want, etc. with no restrictions. I don't want this to be an immature point of view, though...I guess it's difficult to know if I were to get this unfettered life, if I would truly blossom.

But what I did?

Thanks again.