Parts of your story sounds very much like mine. I feel very broken, damaged by the lack of nurturing from my family and have been unable to feel connected for most of my life because of it. Now, at 48, and stabilized on medication, I am finally building relationships with my own children as well as a few people i can call friends. In a way, that magic wand I so desperately have been praying for all my life has finally touched my life here and there and brought me hope. I am still single after a very long time tough, because as you said, it doesnt seem worth it, but yes, i do want that fairy tale romance as much as i will deny it.