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Despondent Daisy,
I'm so happy to read your post here. It seems to me that when people access helps like alcohol and drugs they are actually burying something within that just won't be 'poof' gone, that's why more and more of the self-medication is necessary.
So, I think you are wonderfully amazing for trying to figure it all out and I'm with Korin that if you can get some professional to take a 'reading' on you, then you're on your way to discovering how really great you are and how good your life can be in the days ahead and you can figure out what's what.
Take care.
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“Science without religion is lame.
Religion without science is blind.”
Albert Einstein
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