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Yoiks! You said she "changed" after the births of your kids -- she could have been suffering from post-partum depression. Then the depression just took over and that's been the problem.
Have you ever suggested therapy? Is it too late to ask her to go to couples counseling? Maybe she'd be more apt to go if you went to a session WITH her --- then the counselor could see what's going on and perhaps see her alone. Just a thought.
I hope things work out -- I'm sure this is a bad time for you. God bless. Hugs, Lee
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