WoW, I understand completely what you are feeling.

Please never do anything to yourself.

I know you have suffered your whole life as did I, but if you take an hour out of your day to just sit with those thoughts and when the hour is up, think of other things, these thoughts will lessen. Just take some time and think about suicide and then when that time if up, try to think of happier thoughts.

I know it's easier said than done, but it is one of the coping skills I have practiced over time, and have noticed that these thought lessen with time.

Just thought I would put this out there because it has helped me a whole lot.