Question, did you ever have children? If so, there input might be valuable. If not, perhaps he's infantilising you? Hell, obviously he's infantilising you.

It seems that he's inconsistent in his behaviour towards you, overly controlling with money, and caffiene and sleep, yet at the same time neglectful. It must be more like living with an angry Dad than a husband. Particularly his attitude to your writing is, in my opinion at least, unforgivable. You're not even allowed to use language now without his say so?

Yet at the same time I can see his point of view. I'd be very alarmed if I came home and someone I knew had serious drinking problems in the past was drinking alone. Men are more likely to get angry in that situation. A woman would be more likely to get upset. You have to accept that his anger stemmed out of fear, and behind the bluster and tesosterone he must have been very upset.

It seems to me that he must think he has the right to be angry, he's obviously not been able to forgive you or trust you. (Hence his controlling behaviour, which has led you to become socially isolated, both in the virtual and real environments you inhabit.) Isolating someone is a very cruel thing to do, and yes, I think he's controlling. But this is not unsalvageable, you can fix it... if HE is willing to do the work with you. He has to see your marriage as a fit between two people, in which he takes responsibility for his behaviour. At the moment he seems to see you as being completely wrong, untrustworthy, etc, and has no insight into how his behaviour is making you feel.

If he's not prepared to work at it, this marriage will stay miserable, I fear. You know what I'm going to suggest, marriage counselling. But this never works unless both parties are prepared to work at it. I had an ex who undermined couple counselling by refusing to accept any responsibility, and he subsequently did the same thing to his second wife. Some people are just afraid to look at themselves. I really hope that your husband isn't one of them.

And before he says he's too old to change, or any such thing, my Dad went to anger management classes, of his own volition, over twenty years ago, and it transformed his life. People can change, but they have to want to.