One more day until ECT. All I have to do is keep taking deep breaths. I woke up early again today after waking over and over. It makes the night and then day so long. My thoughts continue but I am going to treat myself tonight and tomorrow night. On Thursday I start on Emsam which has a restrictive diet so tonight it is Choptles for burrito and guacamole (the no-no) and Wednesday for Olive Garden for something full of cheese. It is the low tyramine diet.

Because of the thoughts I am trying to come up with reasons to be alive. So far I have one - someone needs to take care of the dogs. Although I have sisters a mother and father (he doesn't remember me b/c of Alzheimer's ). They all have full lives and my death would sadden then for a while their lives will return to normal and they would say it was " her thing". My only child, Serena, died when she was 16 in a car accident. I will never have grandchildren. I have not been married for 18 years. I can't work although I volunteer. Mostly I am just Putting in time. Where are my positives? I am struggling to make a list like my pdoc want me to do. Any ideas?