silver hon it is very normal for you to want to not talk about the past and yes even block events in your young life. I blocked things and some of them didn't show up til I was in my 40's. a dr told me my mind and body were ready then to remember. it is also normal for you to have the fears of being like your parent. I am really sorry for your loss. please never stop talking about your dad or your feelings. it helps alot!