Hi. Some of you might remember me from my previous thread ‘Should I Try’ and if you don’t I will post the link at the bottom of this thread so my life makes more sense to you and I don’t have to write what I already wrote before. Now I seem to be having another problem and I would appreciate some opinions on the subject – my cousin’s current girlfriend. Her name is Mandy and she is four years older than me. In the last few months we have become close and I have been developing feelings for her I probably shouldn’t have had.

I was at my cousin’s house with her last Tuesday while he was at work and I was talking about everything I had been through losing Jessica and Rachel and it was basically the first time I’ve really opened up to another woman since Rachel passed away. She already knew some of it from my cousin but not to the extent I told her. I told her more than I’ve ever told anybody and I actually cried in front of her and she cried too. That wasn’t my purpose but it felt good to get it out and she then told me I was a great guy and she hugged me and I kissed her.

I don’t know why I did it but I just did and I didn’t know what to do so I pulled away and left. I didn’t talk to her again until Thursday when she turned up at my house and I told her I was sorry about what happened that day and I didn’t want it to ruin our friendship. She told me not to be sorry and she kissed me and said she wasn’t sorry for that. I asked her what about my cousin and she said she was going to break up with him soon anyway because he never had time for her and he treated her like she was one of his one of his possessions. She said she liked me and I asked her how could she after what I’ve been through and she said I was blind because I couldn’t see what I was.

Mandy and I have been meeting up secretly every day since then but apart from going to McDonalds together on the weekend we've been staying out of the public because we don't want any of my cousin's friends seeing us together. He seems to know everybody in town and I don’t want him finding out from somebody else. She's going to break up with him on Friday but she's been figuring out whether she's going to tell him she's been spending time with me or if she is going to pretend to hook up with me after they have broken up. She doesn’t care if it hurts him because she said he’s hurt her enough times but he’s my cousin and I don’t want to hurt him.

My cousin is an asshole sometimes but he is still my cousin and I don’t want this to come between us but ****. I’ve been through hell for way too long and I just want some happiness in my life for a change. Being with Mandy seems to give me that and I really like her. She’s a bit forward but we haven’t had sex or anything like that yet and I want us to wait a while before we do. I want it to be meaningful if we do and I don’t want to sound cheesy but I want us to be in love first because I never got that chance with Jessica and I basically blew it on some woman I didn’t even know.

I haven’t told her that I’ve only had sex once and can’t remember it because I’m embarrassed. I’ve never told anybody that in person and I’m thinking maybe she might understand. We’ve been kissing and cuddling a lot lately and it just feels good having somebody who cares about me the same way Jessica and Rachel did. Perhaps Mandy is a blessing. Up until she kissed me I never thought I had a chance with her and I just thought I had a crush on her but now this has changed everything.

Mandy is just amazing and she's incredibly beautiful. I have a picture of her but I’m not going to post it on here because she probably wouldn’t want me to but she looks like an angel and I can’t believe she likes me. I feel like my feet are floating off the ground every time we kiss and when I hold her I feel like the whole world could come crashing down and I wouldn’t even notice it. I don’t want to get a head of myself and fall too quick but it’s hard not to because she’s really kind.

She wants me to start seeing a psychiatrist that her brother used to go to soon and she has offered to come with me so I will. Not just because she wants me to see one but you guys have made me realise I need too. There are things that still tear at me and sometimes I feel like I have a demon inside of me just scratching to get out sometimes. I think I showed that when I scared some of my TAFE teacher’s with my writing but I want to be a horror writer.

Do you guys think I am a prick for stealing my cousin’s girlfriend? I don’t want to be that kind of guy who splits his family up but I want to be with Mandy and I know she wants to be with me too. My cousin wasn’t good enough for her and I am sure he will get another girlfriend as he always does. He told me girls don’t date guys who have had their girlfriends die because they are seen as somebody’s leftovers and for a while I thought he was right and that is one of the reasons I stopped trying. With the exception of Rachel who I loved but was a lesbian Mandy is my first real girlfriend I’ve had since Jessica passed away when I was sixteen and maybe a third time of falling in love might be lucky.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=189112