Anyways....
My thoughts are kind of scattered all over the place when it comes to this topic. So bear with poorly articulated message. Sorry for dragging my own personal issues through the mud. I know that it isn't helpful to anyone. I'm just looking for help myself.

Whenever I think about this dilemma I can't help but feel incredibly overwhelmed as I'm so far behind in life. So many years wasted in an existential foxhole. I don't even know where to begin now that I'm trying to be more outgoing.

I used to buy into, "Improve yourself first."
....
When I was six years old. I just sort of grew up and came to realize a few things about life. The world does not revolve around me. I do not have delusions of grandeur. Everybody has their own problems and hardships. Nobody is perfect- and that's okay. It's okay if your not perfect.

Every single time I work up the nerve to speak with a professional they throw it back into my face.
"Fix yourself before entering a relationship."
"Self-improve first before looking for friends."
Am I really that much of a freak that I need to be isolated from the rest of the world? Is it really that selfish and cruel of me to just want a friend? How many more years and decades of hard work before I finally measure up. How much longer until I'm finally accepted.

I do not want to see a life-coach who has never gone to school. I'd much rather speak with a therapist. But none of them even begin to help me with this problem. "If your so lonely then why don't you just make some friends?" Oh... If only it was that easy...

I just don't know what to do anymore.