Thanks everyone, I was feeling really confused as what to do, more like trapped really.

The hospital wasn't an option because I have no one to watch my kids till next week when my boyfriend is on holidays. When I say no one, I mean it. I have no friends where we live, my sister works full time and all tho her children are in their teens, her children are in another province for a few weeks. And that's the end of my social/family network, I know a little pathetic.

That was the problem, there is no back up sytsem here when your pdoc is out of town, except the hospital if you are severe enough. It is a bad system. This isn't the first time I have encountered this problem.

I went and saw my GP today. He also didn't really want to touch my meds, and he gasped a "Holy ****" when he asked my zyprexa dosage. Is 20mg a lot? I am only 5 feet 95 lbs, I don't know it's a lot or not. All he could offer me was to up it to 25mg till my Pdoc is back. He said he thinks I need to be pulled off everything and start over. He thinks I am still manic with break through depression, I concur this after noon I am buzzing , I am being really thrown around here.

Maybe next week will be hospital, or Step. I am a little worried of being pulled off all meds at home. Yikes!!!!! I dont think they would do that. Timing sucks when you know you need hospital and are for once able to actually admit it, but cannot go. One more week I gotta hang in there. I do have sui feelings, but I will not act on them, that is an absolute no no for me and my kids. And only mild psychosis for right now. This being jerked around like this with my mood is extremely unpleasant.

Haha ya, who was I kidding, bootstraps, they seem to have fallen off. Yes Dejavu, since May, my head is really tired. I think it's that feeling when you feel like your just gonna crack, and not come back, that's my biggest fear, not coming back. I'm just in panic mode I guess, I can do this I can do one more week right?