I find I am struggling a lot lately with surreal feelings.

I just moved out of home for the first time, I have my own apartment with my boyfriend.

I feel this sort of split feeling, I'm so happy to be here, to have my own place, to be sharing this with the person I love, I notice I am doing things I use to do more often now, such as cooking, baking, writing, eating better, feeling motivated about the future, overall I am happier and healthier

But a part of me really misses my home town and surrounding area, I miss living at home, I miss my dogs, I miss....I can't say stability because I didn't have any at my parents house, but the familiarity, the security of knowing how things work. My home life before I left was very unstable and a very unhealthy environment, so why do I miss home?

Sometimes I feel extremely displaced, especially after I go back to my parents' house to visit or stay the night and see hometown friends. I come back to my apartment and it feels weird, alien, I feel confused about what is "home" now.

I also feel guilty for sharing these feelings with my bf, that he will get the wrong idea and mistake this transition period of my life as me not being happy with him in our apartment. He says he doesn't take it that way and it's something that I have to go through, something he went through when he left home and that he understands he just can't completely relate since he left home many years ago (bf is 8 years older than me)

I have boughts of depression and anxiety, I miss home, I miss that chapter of my life, but I know it was me just running in place not getting anywhere, that it was a "chapter" and I've moved on to the next page, it's just hard to let go, it's hard to learn how to balance everything.