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Jul 27, 2011, 03:12 PM
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Legendary Wise Elder
Community Liaison
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Member Since: Jul 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 22,450
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Holy cow .. Im glad I see my T tomorrow .. this past week has been one of my weirdest .. One minute im up anad running around cleaning like a lunitic knowing ill pay for it with my fibro pain ( which i did) the other day I was bad down in the "beat myself up for everything mood"
Right now im semi happy one min and sad down and loathing myself the next .. Im very paranoid today ..
My husband and I have been having problems for a couple years now and in march I just blew up and wanted a divorce ,, he wanted a divorce a week before i blew up ,, we finally agreed that due to the finacial issues and his pain from workers comp injury and work forcing him off work ( yes we have a lawyer) and then add on my severe fibromyagia started over a year ago and having been hospitalized for suicidal thought and self harm ..we decided to just stop fighting and he wants me to just go get help.. some days I feel like him and I have a chance ( its a second marriage for both of us)
Today i just keep feeling like he cant wait to be rid of me .. there really is no reason for me to feel this way .. I have episodes of becoming paranoid for no real reason .
Arghhhhh I dont know if im up down or in the middle today .. my thoughts are all over the place .
Sorry I know im rambling .. I have been on Seraquel for about 6weeks now,,it finally allowed me to get sleep ..i despise the weight gain aspect and im struggling with that and my T knows how upset I am over it.. I know I shouldnt worry about 15 lbs considering I was underweight but i deal with anorexia ,, and I have really no self esteem and tons of self loathing ..
Im just making myself worse ..
Can we just stop the world for a minute so I can get off and not feel the need to beat myself up with real problems and problems I make for myself ..
Sigh .......
Wishing you all some Peace ~
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