Awww Twisted I know how you feel. You know what? Those negative thoughts that used to plague you were painful but they can be comfortable too. It can be hard to give up the safety of what we know and are familiar with to get better. Because getting better means doing more, expecting more of ourselves and that's scary and challenging. But stick with it. It's soooooooooo worth it. We only have one life. It's worth being courageous to make the best of it. Eventually the weird feeling of feeling normal will become normal. I don't know if anything I'm saying is even making sense. But I know what you're going through and although I can appreciate that it's hard and scary, in a way I'm happy for you. Not that I want you to feel bad. But I can see that you're improvinig and admire your courage in choosing that route in your journey. Hang in there.