Hi all,

I don't even know why I'm posting, this is just really bothering me.

When I had my first manic episode over a year ago, I was living with my aunt. After I was hospitalized, she told me she couldn't handle me living with her (very understandable). Anyway, I went back to my dad's place and left most of my stuff at my aunt's, promising that I would get my stuff back eventually.

Well, my aunt is moving somewhere else and asked if I wanted my stuff back. I said yes, so I went over for a visit and helped to load my stuff in the van. =/ And...it just made me feel such strong, negative emotions seeing stuff that reminded me of a time when I was so sick.

I was severely manic...with hallucinations, delusions, and paranoia. I hurt the people around me because they didn't understand what was going on. Just seeing stuff, especially old journal entries of manic ramblings...just made me feel so down.

I thought I was over this, but just having those negative memories flooding through me was overwhelming. I guess I could use some support right now, I feel so vulnerable. Being reminded of how ill I can be was so scary. I just want to be stable, and not remember the past! I know that's horrible to say because I should just accept myself as I am, but I'm just so down right now.