It sounds like the old stuff is a trigger that is sort of pulling you back in time to when all those terrible things happen. It is going to take a long time to heal from that phase of your life.

But I would focus on the positive and the fact that you have recovered. Look at those old things as part of the old life, but that you have moved on. And don't be afraid to use them. They are just things. You don't have to let them trigger them. Use them, don't let them use you. And hugs!