I'm sorry to hear about you losing someone you cared for. As for feelings, you can't force them, they are what they are. With bipolar and especially depression, one can feel flat. I've gone for weeks like that - not really feeling one way or another, just existing. The only way I survive it is to know that this phase too shall pass. It's like a long dark hallway that goes on forever until you finally find the doorknob. Just take one step at a time and don't feel guilty for what others think you should be feeling. Keep posting and sharing - you are among others just like you & never alone