Welcome to psych central Wallysan!!

The first best thing to do, imo, is to apologize and ask her to help you remember not to do it again.

I think you identified the basis for these fears/insecurities. They are a long time pattern of feeling, thinking? Perhaps you have more anxiety than you realize, and only "see" it coming out through this relationship?

Could you consider finding a therapist to help you work through issues? If the T thinks you both could use couple therapy, will your spouse agree? I think that would also help you to figure out if you need medication temporarily to help manage the feelings.

I think it's great that you are trying to better yourself and your relationships. Again, welcome. Come back and post often! TC