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Twisted_Soul said:
The Monster that lives inside of me is really pulling out all the stops this time.
Has me thinking that the good thoughts, the calming thoughts, the things I am doing to stay connected is all a deception to really bring me down.
I am angry, scared, and mostly feeling confused.
I hate the Monster. ... God, I hate this!

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Hi Twisted_Soul.

Your Monster sounds a LOT like mine. I even call mine "the Monster" too! Mine does the same thing, tries to sabotage any good thoughts or feelings I have, tries to sabotage and undermine me, etc. The worst thing mine does, though, is pretend to be God. I'll actually think I'm talking to God and then suddenly everything shifts and I'm talking to the Monster instead.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone with the Monster, even if yours is yours and mine is mine ...