Thank you everyone for your support, advice and kind words. Seriously, the members on this site have got me through this really long tough episode, and I can't be thankful enough.

Dragonfly, you are so right. That is the pitfall of mental illness. My sister probably would have done that, I would have hated to ask because she just came back from out of province, caring for her mother in law, who recently was dx with hep c, and suffered a stoke last week, my sister is low income, and it's my downfall of not wanting to be a burden.

Ryask, We do have respite here, it is a foster home your kids are placed in. I dunno I am so uncomfortable with that. My kids haven't even had babysitters unless I knew them very well. I think if they were in respite and I was in hospital, I would be ten fold stressed worrying about them. However, this is a good reminder, if I am seriously no able to care for them. thanks.

The good news is, the increase in Zyprexa seems to be working for now. Yesterday I woke up feeling ok, Today I feel ok, I feel pretty normal actually, aside from feeling a bit Zyprexa'd. That's the thing with antipsychotics, how do you know if you are stable or just drugged out??

I don't know how comfortable I feel being on a high dose, but it seems to at least have my mood under control for now. When my Pdoc gets back, I think we are going to have to have a long talk about my meds.

Anyways that being said, it's been a very long bumpy ride, I have switched meds three times, and increased quite a few times, and I am very happy to have a few days of stability. I'm nervous to get ahead of myself, but today I am feeling pretty good.

Thank you guys sooo much!!!