I wasn't doing well for a while, but I'm kind of bouncing back up a little. I'm not motivated to do anything responsible except what I want, but at least I have some motivation to do something. I've been making very short lists of things to do at work and trying to be less hurtful to myself about not being able to get everything done. The fact is that I was able to do a lot a while ago and I can ride that for a little while.

My wife has been very helpful after I told her I needed something to hope for and that saving even a little money each paycheck makes me feel hopeful. She's started working on ideas to cut corners, which made me feel good. I know it's not going to last forever, so I'm going to try to enjoy not feeling horrible while I can. I still feel on a razors edge though. Like any one thing can devastate me, but I have to remember that I can't see the future.

The point is, I got up, went to work and am working and trying. That's a big deal for a person with depression and a success. Everyone else can be a superstar, I'll try to be happy with getting through my day.