That sounds all pretty crappy but it's good that you were able to keep it together to get through the talk.

She absolutely owes you an apology, many. Yes, you may have been having problems in the marriage but she made the choice to cheat. You were in the same marriage, both with that loss of connection and you didn't cheat - don't let her blameshift any of this on to you.

Oh and I'm going to PM you a link I think you will find helpful