MMM.... you may hate to admit it to her but you did the right thing. Making a plan to stay safe is what you needed right there. Now the fact of letting yourself and her down, yes it happened, but you come first. If you feel like you are letting yourself down, change it. But do realize that change takes time. It will be hard, but after it's hard is when things become easier to cope with (or so I'm told) Do things for yourself, and be glad you admitted something so hard, and that you are getting closer to something even better.

Keep smiling