i think you feel awful because youre in a stressful situation where you are not taking responsibility for your own actions and feeling somewhat guilty about that and also because you cut after making a committment with your T stating that you no longer wanting to do this. But it is not too late to remedy these situations. you can renew your commitment not to cut. like any addiction, one day at a time is how you have to face it. At work you just have to own up to your mistake. Look for the positives in your job. when i hated my job i focused on my paycheck until i could be more motivated to look at the other positives to feel good about going to work again. what helped me the most to move from hating myself to feeling better was focusing on positives, even if they wre very small things. eventually i was able to find bigger things until my life got better. good luck.