Thank you for your response. I have been trying hard to figure out why I cheated. I believe it was mostly the problems our relationship had to begin with. Also, loneliness (he had been out of town for two months already at that point, with two and a half more to go).

I would, and do, feel totally lost and alone without him. I feel like I've not just lost my boyfriend, but my best friend. I cannot see myself with anyone else. He meets most, but not all, of the qualities I would want in a husband. Still, I do not know if it will work. He wrote me a scathing email tonight. I have to get up in 4 hours yet I can't sleep because of this.