I feel the same way. If it weren't for my kids.... I'd be long gone I'm sure.
There is a quote by Elizabeth Wurtzel that I was just thinking about this morning when I was journaling. It says something like "I feel like a defective model. Like my parents should have returned me." ...I feel like that a lot of days. Okay most days. But as I'm sure Elizabeth still struggles with depression, look at all the stuff she's gone on to accomplish! Even if the days are few and far between, there are those days, those moments, perhaps minutes where I'm glad I'm alive. My kids will do or say something amazing that I'm glad I didn't miss. Someone will bless me in some way that will make me feel a moment of gladness. And if, for my kids, I have to survive between those moments, I will try to keep focused on that.
As long as you are still breathing, there is hope.