Well if you can predict your response you can change it. And if you can predict what their so called game is than don't play. You have to decide how important is it to you to see your father whom you say was never really a father? And as far as that goes please don't think you were the unworthy one, most men don't really know how to be fathers. We often just assume someone is going to play the role that we feel is a good parent and most of time we are disappointed. He is just a person and he obviously never learned how to have a relationship with child, no matter what age.
In fact he may only just now be learning about relationships from his wife. And as you describe, it sounds like she rules over his social agenda.

And it is quite possible that your right, perhaps the real journey is about visiting the sister. But you dont know where the real game comes from and what is really behind it. Your father could have asked to stop and see you and the wife was the one that
directed the situation to appease him and you but her real goal is her own agenda.

Now you already know that the wife is going to win, after all she is the one he lives with and has to live with on a daily basis. And as it seems he really doesnt know how to really have a relationship, uh oh, he is most likely going to fail in his efforts.
And to be honest, on some level he knows that.

So you can either rent free space in your head to predicting disappointment and saddness or you can just look at what is really there. At least you have the option and they did include you in their journey. They could have made the journey and completely ignored you too.

You have to get comfortable making your own decisions. And it is hard sometimes, I know, I have had to do the same. You are being put on the spot and you are thinking about duty and not really thinking about yourself. If you know that you say that you prefer them stop and visit you, you have to be prepared for her to find a reason they can't do that. And if you really want to see your father, maybe you could arrange to meet for lunch or dinner at a place that is along their way to the sisters. That way you get to see him and no one is really put out.

Try not to project your emotions into remorse for a man who never was able to fit the role you desired as your father. The sooner you accept that he is just going to be the way he is and it is obvious he lacks the understanding of what a father daughter relationship is, the better off you will be. You cannot go through your life blaming yourself for someones elses failures. It is time for you to concentrate on YOU and what you can do in your life that makes YOU happy. And you have to realize that you DO have a choice.

How about applying the three words that are in the thread that the Byz put up.
"Up until now" I used to let my father's lack of ability to be a good father upset me.
"But now I am" going to change the way I react to that inablity and have MY OWN LIFE anyway. He is what he is, it is not my fault in any way and I can't change another person, all I can do is change how I allow it to effect me.

Open Eyes