beautiful (((((((((((Kimmydawn))))))))))))

I know its hard when the inside mental safe places conflict with the outside world and its hard getting the memory pieces to understand the difference between the two. I never tried to explain or force my memory pieces to see the difference. my therapists and I approached my DID as they are pieces of me as in my memorys, doesn't mean they aren't there and arent important because memorys are stored in the brain forever. They are always going to be there whether I remember what I forgot or not.

and my la la land was always going to be there whether I used it or not. Its my mental safe place somehow I created it. I will always remember I have a la la land and what it was like. kind of like drawing a picture. you can draw the picture and throw it away but the memory of drawing that picture is still there so I can recreate the drawing any time I want just by drawing it.

So instead of trying to get memorys to believe they are memorys and replaying my memorys and my floating in la la land as much as I did was hurting me my therapy focused on my learning while aware what DID was and how to take care of it and putting new coping tools in place so that when I got triggered while aware I don't always have to dissociate to feel safe.

My therapist felt theres nothing wrong with having a la la land and never tried to make me give it up. Even now where I am at in this process I still use my la la land and probably always will. Because I know for me giving that up is not an option I find ways for my la la land to still be a part of my life by using la la land when its not going to interfer with my daily life like when I am home alone and have nothing planned for the rest of the day, I use it when I go to sleep at night sometimes. Basically I am switching la la lands purpose. La La Land is slowly becoming a relaxation tool and I am taking care of me by using new coping tools instead of floating when I get triggered.

I don't have to give up la la land to be "healed" and you don't HAVE to give up the forest to be "healed" try switching the focus of it from being an escape to a relaxing vacation. It takes time and practice of making yourself use grounding techniques during stressful times and using your internal world during times when you just want to relax but it is worth it. I have both reality and la la land and its working out great for me. In fact doing this is actually helping me to heal and become more aware.

As for what my memorys believe - well they believe what they are - the content of the stored memory. Theres no changing that memorys are stored that way - as pieces of sounds, tastes, sights, smells, touches and feelings. and thats what they are always going to be. If its a smell memory that memory piece will always be that smell. I can't change my memorys but I can change how I react to them by finding out why I react the way I do and changing that reaction.

Hang in there (((((((Kimmydawn)))))))) it does get better and easier.