I can tell you have story telling talent by your post. You say you don't have plot or theme yet your post reads like a well thought out movie with a positive theme. I care about you, the main character, so much!! Try keeping a journal to see when your moods get better and what helps. Stay creative!! I'm sure you're a great artist too. Friends will come with time. For now, you;re stuck with us, us psychcentral buddies!! There is a whole community here that cares. Also a therapist will help too. What's your diagnosis? The feelings of emptiness could signal you're borderline, also the feelings of not knowing who you are..have you ever read Lost In The Mirror? The second chapter describes the way borderlines graps at shreds of identity like they are in outer space, with no knowledge of origin or destination or even up or down. Here's to finding your "Up..!" Judith, best wishes feel free to PM me.