Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D., tells us:

In a world often devoid of a true sense of community, we grow up searching for how to belong. Social isolation is our greatest fear and many of us grow up with the mantra “There’s something wrong with me” feeding a cycle of unworthiness and shame. How we relate to our “frightened and vulnerable hearts” makes all the difference.

Imagine if you grew up in a world where the expression of your vulnerabilities and fears was met with someone just listening to you non-judgmentally and with a sense of really caring. How would you feel? If I had to guess, I would say safe and secure.

Imagine if you truly understood that deep down everyone shares these vulnerabilities and fears. How would you feel? My guess is connected.

The foundation of mental health is feeling safe, secure and connected.

Dr. Goldstein goes on:

When we run away from our fears and vulnerabilities by either shutting down, turning to drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling or checking out with our phones, we send ourselves the message that we are “not worth” paying attention to, feeding a cycle of unworthiness. When we’re able to locate that feeling and wrap it around a caring awareness, we send the message that we are “worth” paying attention to, feeding a cycle of worthiness.

It’s really that simple, but the practice isn’t easy because it’s flying in the face of very old and rigid beliefs about how you see yourself.

My engagement with mental illness has been an enigma. I have worked hard to understand shame, unworthiness, disconnect, cognitive distortions, negative chatter, fear, anger, vulnerability, resiliency, authenticity, forgiveness, etc., only to be told by professionals I did not understand the misadventures in my thought processes and may not have a personality capable of ever understanding.

My dilemma has been to put into motion steps that I believed would help me based on my perception, no matter how flawed. Doing something has always been the key for me, even when it left my therapist shaking his head.

Now, I am weary of the battle to understand. I accept I made many decisions that were less than ideal. Yet, to the surprise of many, I am still alive and still messing up. Even so, I have learned a bit along the way.