I've always believed that my depression is a symptom, not a primary disorder. I am depressed because I am lonely. Like you, I've had few friends in my life. I believe I suffer from social anxiety. Also, I think I am a loner. The two are not the same. A loner is not someone who doesn't want others in his/her life. But a loner does tend to want contact with others to be on his/her own terms. Friendship takes a lot of compromise. Loners don't care for that very much.

Friendship comes only at a price. One price is that a friend will, sooner or later, become annoying. And that will happen recurrently. To maintain friendship, one has to accept that and be willing to put up with that. I tend to avoid what annoys me. So I tend to avoid people. Partly it's anxiety that I will face rejection or negative judgement. But it's also due to my judgement of others. To a great extent, I kind of don't really want to be bothered. It's a lot of work to nurture a friendship. I am kind of lazy, in that respect.

I think being human means needing friendship in your life. In my case, I think I have to be willing to make more of an effort. Also, I have to not let my over-sensitive reaction to any negative feedback control me. It's okay for others to get annoyed with me. It's inevitable. I'm human. All humans are annoying from time to time to anyone whom they spend much time with.