I know. I'm trying to follow through with his requests, like going to counseling. Funny, he believes in counseling for me but not for himself...

I really really want him to believe me when I say I'm sorry. I can't think of any other way to say it. The word seems so meager compared to the emotion behind it. Woefully inadequate. What else can I say though? "I'm really, really, really, really sorry"? That sounds like something my five-year-old would say. "I truly apologize". Now I sound like a brokerage firm that screwed up one of their top clients' accounts. I just want him to know how torn up I am inside... I can't show him, I can't tell him.